I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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