I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
