By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
