it wasn't lemon gatorade
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
