Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
