I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
