you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
