She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
