dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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