Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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