Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
