I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
