Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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