so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
