Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
