It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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