12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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