I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
