I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
