Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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