I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
