Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize