We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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