she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
