Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
