I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
