Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
