My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
