Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
