So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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