have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
