Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm too high and old for this...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
