Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
