Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
