i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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