She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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