I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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