Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
