i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
