Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
