I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
