she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
