someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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