Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
