dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
