Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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