my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
