his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My vagina is very pro this idea
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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