Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
