yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
