at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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