the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
