Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
