I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i think my cat just said my name.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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