So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
