there was a trapeze. enough said
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
