So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This baby is an asshole
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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