READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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