me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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