I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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