I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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