If that was your dad, he is hot
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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