She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
