I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
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SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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