I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
