Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
