I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
