I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
