I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize