Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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