I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
