you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
