is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
